Me Getting Distracted!

Sooooo! I deactivated my Facebook account in order to keep aloof from the habit of wasting time by re posting useless posts etc. but Now i have found another addiction, Twitter -_- Whaaatttt??! (I ask to myself) I think I have completely lost it! I wanted to focus on my prayers and prepare a repertoire of prayers and blessings during this month for the Judgement Day BUT! yes its a capital BUT, I have started to waste my time on another social media website. sigh.. I would definitely like to mention that Twitter is wayyyy more better than Facebbok, atleast I dont have to read lovey dovey statuses and posts with dumb people tagged on a pic discussing how a pic can be judged from different angles (as if their critical appreciation is much needed!) anyways, so I should be going now and do something constructive! Adios!

some more muttering!

I am not a great writer, but I aspire to become one someday. People of my age have achieved so much that I feel so small and useless... I think I should stop being so self derogatory and muster up some courage in what I am doing. I dont need this world's approval all the time. I try to polish myself by learning from my mistakes. I hope this is a step towards becoming a better person rather than just thinking about the problems I have and split my head into two with extreme tension. I do try to improve my vocab, but for that I have to be a voracious reader. I have been completely cut off from my reading habit because of my work and because i am dependent on my brothers to get me some "food for thought" in my hands! sigh...

Ramadan

What to write and what not to write! everyday i whine (to myself) about not writing anything here but do nothing about it. Finally I got a chance (And battery in my laptop) to spill my heart out here. so Ramadan has just started and i will be having my 6th sahri tonight InshAllah. This Ramadan made me realize all the wrong things i had done in the past. Its not that i was not aware of them earlier, but i think I have grown up in a short span of time into a little different person than I was. I hope I pay attention to improving myself.

Lucid like Water

Now my blog looks much better! thank God i rinsed all the crap I had written here earlier, it was not crap actually but i now realize that its better for me that its gone. Past few days have not been very fun, although i went out with my family for dinner and enjoyed myself! I love when people around me are happy. I need to control my temper, ALOT. its becoming a hindrance in my way to work, success and building a relationship with people around me. hope i work out something to digress my anger whenver it comes and hits me with its spikey horns!

Headache!

I dont want anybody to read my page. I dont even know why I am running this blog. I just want to find an escape from my problems. It is not a good solution. People are terrible. They always use you for their own purposes. They never care for your feelings although they pretend that you are the most important person in their life when you are around them. They never try. Fake promises, Fake confessions, Fake realizations! Tired of all this bullshit!

mutterings

I am tired of trying. I wanna give up! I dont know why I am still haning to the side of a steep cliff which is about to meet the ground soon. Theres no way out. I have to collect some strength and keep my sanity alive. Don't want to leave a bad name is the book of people I love!

A Conversation

I was going through my old notes and handouts yesterday and found my notebook in which I had written something that caught my interest. I wrote a particular piece of writing a few years ago and had completely forgotten about it. I had ambiguous feelings cause it was amusing for me to see that I had written something apart from the critical essays and drafts that I used to do during my student life at the English department as well as a disappointment about the subject and its alarming effects after quite a time. I am in no mood of making any alterations except for a few so here it goes:

Him:  " Knock Knock! Anybody there!"

Me: Rubbing my eyes and waking up from a deep slumber and thus a bit agitated, " who.. what.. oh what do you want!"

Him:" Do you know for how long you have been ignoring me? This is not done. We need to have a serious debate over this issue right now!"

Me: Not used to lending my ears for his gibberish, was half asleep again, "Yeah so trueeee...zzzz"

Him: "Boink! Wake up! This is no time to enjoy your ignorant slumber. I am really worried about the situation of our country which is bombarded with murders, target killings, missing people and suicidal bomb attacks of the depressed, frustrated and alienated... What role have you played during the whole time? Sleep, eat and watch Tv?"

Me: Being jostled by his long lectures, " umm.. yawwnnn.. well.. What do you expect me to do? Run on the streets shouting slogans against our government, boycott the law enforcers by breaching every rule of sanity, burn tires and destroy public property like raging mad people? I am an educated individual who has to think about his future plans, his career and look after his family. Since I would be going abroad in a few months, it's not really my problem now. All I can do is simply sympathize with the victims of the current horrendous situation they are in..."

Him: Taken aback by my insensitive reply and as if frozen to death for some moments, he finally recollected himself, " what on earth are you saying!? This is YOUR country! what do you mean by "they"?? These people and specially their previous generations have sacrificed their loved ones, wealth and social statuses in building a secure future for your generation. I beg you not to take all this for granted. Unimaginable hard work by these people has given YOU a place to live and breathe freely specially without getting you disturbed by the fact that it was very difficult to acquire all this freedom. What will become of your family if you have career plans of adjusting yourself abroad.. in a country full of strange faces and strange walls and most probably unwelcoming looks.."

Me: Waiting for my turn, I had almost dozed off again until he mentioned something about me, " Oh no! That's where you got it all wrong. I have received an approval letter from one of the well-reputed firms. They have welcomed me with open arms and desperately need a person like me to bring prosperity to their firm. I don't want to miss such a wonderful opportunity of giving a boost to my career. As far as my family is concerned, once I have settled there with enough income to support them, I am going to get all of them there with me to enjoy their share of my success.."

Him: With some renewed enthusiasm to convince me, " But what about your country? Does it not need young, dynamic and educated blood like you to make it reach a healthy economic, social and political zenith? This country, which helped you climb your success ladder by providing you with quality education, basic facilities, social and personal security to a large extent is now going through an alarming phase and expects you to raise your voice against the injustices and hypocrisies of people within and outside its boundary and looks up to you to provide faith to the needy deprived of justice. Please help your fellow countrymen by imparting education to the ignored and alienated regions of our country. My friend, these are matters grave and more important than the wish to fulfill your own selfish desires.. "

Me: extremely irritated by now, " Wait a minute.. relax dude.. Whatever you uttered was simply Greek to me. I tried to play my part when I was in university completing my studies but every single way was overloaded with hurdles and tensions. And by the way, how the hell do you come every now and then to bug me and sing praises of this country which; I am sorry to break to you, has lost all hopes of being refurbished into a stable place. Every time out of mere pity, I give you a shoulder to cry on and listen to your babbling notions about constructing something which is nothing more than a fool's paradise..Who are you?"

Him: with a heart rending sigh and a lost hope of convincing me," What use is your education if it has not implanted moral and ethical courage in you?  It was me who you have been ignoring for the past 8 years of your life and unfortunately like you, a huge lot of youngsters have been lulled to a deep dark dungeon of insensitivity and unawareness...let me remind you again that its about time to wake up and welcome me in your personality.. Me.. your Conscience.."

Me: startled again by his presence, "oh my Gosh you are still here! you just talk too much brainiac! go back to where you came from and let me sleep! zzzzz"

New Year!

So much for the New year.. the last post i just published is suppose to be my first post of the year.. yayyy! hey did i tell you.. this is a lunar year.. I dont know whats so special about it other than the year having 366 days instead of 365.. Big Deal.. ppfftt... lol. I am surely going to do something out of the world and fantastic this year.. that would make me proud of myself.. P.S: all this was said in an extreme level of drug dose and hyperbole.. None of it should be taken seriously :D but no seriously! I should start a new venture or adventure for that matter to engage myself!

Bored to Death!

HEYYY! okay I am not that much excited. lol. I am boreddd.. extremely bored.. dont know whats going on around me.. just want to escape from this mundane life and go for a holiday! not that i have been working day and night that i am craving for a holiday now.. but just to switch my mind of the usual anguishes and dilemmas boggling it daily! I want to enjoy myself.. tired of the same old shit that keeps going on the tv.. i wonder how my mum bore this sorta life all these years.. this just makes me realize that i am wasting my time on nearly nothing.. eat, sleep, read.. thats all i do and all that is left to do for me.. The world is shrinking i think..