mutterings

I am tired of trying. I wanna give up! I dont know why I am still haning to the side of a steep cliff which is about to meet the ground soon. Theres no way out. I have to collect some strength and keep my sanity alive. Don't want to leave a bad name is the book of people I love!

A Conversation

I was going through my old notes and handouts yesterday and found my notebook in which I had written something that caught my interest. I wrote a particular piece of writing a few years ago and had completely forgotten about it. I had ambiguous feelings cause it was amusing for me to see that I had written something apart from the critical essays and drafts that I used to do during my student life at the English department as well as a disappointment about the subject and its alarming effects after quite a time. I am in no mood of making any alterations except for a few so here it goes:

Him:  " Knock Knock! Anybody there!"

Me: Rubbing my eyes and waking up from a deep slumber and thus a bit agitated, " who.. what.. oh what do you want!"

Him:" Do you know for how long you have been ignoring me? This is not done. We need to have a serious debate over this issue right now!"

Me: Not used to lending my ears for his gibberish, was half asleep again, "Yeah so trueeee...zzzz"

Him: "Boink! Wake up! This is no time to enjoy your ignorant slumber. I am really worried about the situation of our country which is bombarded with murders, target killings, missing people and suicidal bomb attacks of the depressed, frustrated and alienated... What role have you played during the whole time? Sleep, eat and watch Tv?"

Me: Being jostled by his long lectures, " umm.. yawwnnn.. well.. What do you expect me to do? Run on the streets shouting slogans against our government, boycott the law enforcers by breaching every rule of sanity, burn tires and destroy public property like raging mad people? I am an educated individual who has to think about his future plans, his career and look after his family. Since I would be going abroad in a few months, it's not really my problem now. All I can do is simply sympathize with the victims of the current horrendous situation they are in..."

Him: Taken aback by my insensitive reply and as if frozen to death for some moments, he finally recollected himself, " what on earth are you saying!? This is YOUR country! what do you mean by "they"?? These people and specially their previous generations have sacrificed their loved ones, wealth and social statuses in building a secure future for your generation. I beg you not to take all this for granted. Unimaginable hard work by these people has given YOU a place to live and breathe freely specially without getting you disturbed by the fact that it was very difficult to acquire all this freedom. What will become of your family if you have career plans of adjusting yourself abroad.. in a country full of strange faces and strange walls and most probably unwelcoming looks.."

Me: Waiting for my turn, I had almost dozed off again until he mentioned something about me, " Oh no! That's where you got it all wrong. I have received an approval letter from one of the well-reputed firms. They have welcomed me with open arms and desperately need a person like me to bring prosperity to their firm. I don't want to miss such a wonderful opportunity of giving a boost to my career. As far as my family is concerned, once I have settled there with enough income to support them, I am going to get all of them there with me to enjoy their share of my success.."

Him: With some renewed enthusiasm to convince me, " But what about your country? Does it not need young, dynamic and educated blood like you to make it reach a healthy economic, social and political zenith? This country, which helped you climb your success ladder by providing you with quality education, basic facilities, social and personal security to a large extent is now going through an alarming phase and expects you to raise your voice against the injustices and hypocrisies of people within and outside its boundary and looks up to you to provide faith to the needy deprived of justice. Please help your fellow countrymen by imparting education to the ignored and alienated regions of our country. My friend, these are matters grave and more important than the wish to fulfill your own selfish desires.. "

Me: extremely irritated by now, " Wait a minute.. relax dude.. Whatever you uttered was simply Greek to me. I tried to play my part when I was in university completing my studies but every single way was overloaded with hurdles and tensions. And by the way, how the hell do you come every now and then to bug me and sing praises of this country which; I am sorry to break to you, has lost all hopes of being refurbished into a stable place. Every time out of mere pity, I give you a shoulder to cry on and listen to your babbling notions about constructing something which is nothing more than a fool's paradise..Who are you?"

Him: with a heart rending sigh and a lost hope of convincing me," What use is your education if it has not implanted moral and ethical courage in you?  It was me who you have been ignoring for the past 8 years of your life and unfortunately like you, a huge lot of youngsters have been lulled to a deep dark dungeon of insensitivity and unawareness...let me remind you again that its about time to wake up and welcome me in your personality.. Me.. your Conscience.."

Me: startled again by his presence, "oh my Gosh you are still here! you just talk too much brainiac! go back to where you came from and let me sleep! zzzzz"

New Year!

So much for the New year.. the last post i just published is suppose to be my first post of the year.. yayyy! hey did i tell you.. this is a lunar year.. I dont know whats so special about it other than the year having 366 days instead of 365.. Big Deal.. ppfftt... lol. I am surely going to do something out of the world and fantastic this year.. that would make me proud of myself.. P.S: all this was said in an extreme level of drug dose and hyperbole.. None of it should be taken seriously :D but no seriously! I should start a new venture or adventure for that matter to engage myself!

Bored to Death!

HEYYY! okay I am not that much excited. lol. I am boreddd.. extremely bored.. dont know whats going on around me.. just want to escape from this mundane life and go for a holiday! not that i have been working day and night that i am craving for a holiday now.. but just to switch my mind of the usual anguishes and dilemmas boggling it daily! I want to enjoy myself.. tired of the same old shit that keeps going on the tv.. i wonder how my mum bore this sorta life all these years.. this just makes me realize that i am wasting my time on nearly nothing.. eat, sleep, read.. thats all i do and all that is left to do for me.. The world is shrinking i think..

Phewww! Relieved..

Thank God I didnt give up! thank you my soul for holding back! thank you for not letting in to all those temptations and worldly addictions! People are so mean! they just try to tear apart souls which are meant for eachother.. they need to find their own soul mates rather than engaging others and breaking some couples jsut to get what they desire... this might not make any sense to people reading this.. but I wanted to right and speak my heart out.. I have won.. i have conquered the temptation.. and this is all what i needed to prove myself.. I hope i have backed the right option! Allah help em out! please stay with me in these trying times! You are always there to solve my problems and i know this time too, You will exceed my limited expectations... Thanks for everything Allah!

Dreams and Reality

So last night, I was telling my friend that i blog. I was fascinated when she told me that she writes poems every now and then. I said i just write this blog to give a vent to my feelings which i can not share with anyone, not even someone close to me. Anyways, i asked her to give me an idea for writing a new blogpost. She was kind enough to give a topic to me right away- dreams and reality. I surely am pretty interested in writing about it. Well, what  can i say? Dreams are very important .. without dreams i dont think anyone can achieve a high pedestal in their life. Some people dream to turn it into a reality and some just dream to find an escape from the real world. In both cases, dreams play an important role in elating their hopes in some way. Where some people would see those who try to find an escape from reality through dreams in a scathingly criticizing manner, i would say dreams are some times playing a role of drug to their lives. The reality has become so harsh and thorny for them that instead of keeping suicide as an available option, they try to indulge in a world where the things are moving on their fingertips. Dreams become a life saving option for them and they cling to it as long as they are  alive and undisturbed by any worldly affairs. Reality is not always harsh but what you make of it. The world outside treats you the way you want it to treat you. This was a reality check given to me by one of my friends, well i agree to it. Never over or even under estimate yourself. Both are terrible extremes and will harm you in someway or the other. I dont know where this particular piece of writing is taking me. I dont really think hard before writing here. Hey its my blog page after all! lol..
I, on the other hand would like to commend the efforts people take to achieve their dreams. Those who strive hard and work towards a better goal are the ones who have actually lived this life. No wonder their names are written in golden letters and people recall their names with great relish and joy. I wish i could do something that people could remember me in their good books. anyways i would like to take a rain check on this topic now, i need to think and re-think. I havnt done justice to this topic yet.  

Creating Confusions

This bloody laptop is a pain! all that i had written here so far just vanished with a single click.. argh!!
So i have taken up the task of writing again some of the most boring stuff you can ever read. lol. did i just underrate my work by myself? this is pure blasphemy. so here I present you a classic piece of writing never penned down in the history of writingdom. :D anyways i will continue the same theme that i was discussing in my last blog; yes i know, its been a long time since i touched this very sweet blog of my own but hey! i did get back to it, it is about Harry Potter. I must admit, this book has clearly kept me under its spell the moment i finished it off. I was completely going gaga for it for a whole week, discussing every scene and every character with a dear harry potter fan friend of mine, He was generous enough to listen to my new found love for this series as he had been quite familiar with it quite a long time ago. Nevertheless, its better late than never.
Discussing books, I just recall a recent news i read regarding our very own shoaib akhtar penning down his own autobiography. These words were engraved in my mind more because of the whole controversy and hullabullo it has created in the media world. I am waiting for that book to publish (if it crossed this stage with safety) and get my hand on it so I can discover what lies therein that created such a fascination for every news channel to report it out in capital captions. Till that time, me signing out from here and hope to return soon with a new scoop of new experience in my life.